Qur’an 56:27-40

A Qur’an Like It.

Here’s the Sahih International translation:

56:27 The companions of the right – what are the companions of the right?

28 [They will be] among lote trees with thorns removed

29 And [banana] trees layered [with fruit]

30 And shade extended

31 And water poured out

32 And fruit, abundant [and varied],

33 Neither limited [to season] nor forbidden,

34 And [upon] beds raised high.

35 Indeed, We have produced them [i.e., the women of Paradise] in a [new] creation

36 And made them virgins,

37 Devoted [to their husbands] and of equal age,

38 For the companions of the right [who are]

39 A company of the former peoples

40 And a company of the later peoples.

Koran 56:27-40

Here’s my improved version:

56:27 The companions of the Right are Muhammad’s Muslims, who are now poor orchard fruit pickers with one succubi each as their mistress.

28 Note that Allah manages to remove the thorns from lote trees in Paradise, but not on Earth. Or perhaps that’s the job of the Muslim – lote tree thorn remover?

29 And trees layered with what? Big leaves.

30 Big leaves – how generous of Allah to have big fruit trees.

31 Water poured out from springs? We have irrigation now, and glasses for water.

32 All the dates you can eat.

33 Fruit is normally available in Autumn, and isn’t available in other seasons. In today’s world, you can buy all kinds of fruit year-round, due to global shipping.

34 Hammocks between the date palms.

35 This refers to Muhammad’s insane second creation.

36 Succubi are always virgins, despite their many sexual encounters with seduced men.

37 So if you died as a Muslim at 100 years old, your “virgin” will also be 100?

38 Muhammad gets 39 muddled up 40 here.

Qur’an 56:27-40

As I’ve produced a better verse than Muhammad, this shows Muhammad is Allah, Allah is Muhammad, the Koran comes from Muhammad (and friends), and Islam is false.